That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
