my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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