There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
