i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
