I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
