He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
