I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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