so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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