I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
