Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
