Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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