I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
