I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
