you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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