One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
