gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
