she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
