I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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