Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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