Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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