I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
there is glitter all over my balls
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