I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
