the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
