I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How does it feel to date your dad?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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