woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
