How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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