There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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