did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
