Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
