my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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