Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
