I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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