i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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