the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
