I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How external is "for external use only"?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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