I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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