Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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