And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Text me some of your sweat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
