Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
