then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
