"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i love accidental penises.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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