So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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