You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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