quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
