I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
