All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
