no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
