Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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