Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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