hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
