Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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