shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
