Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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