So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
