Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
