Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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