We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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