Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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