Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mom said you looked used
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
