That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
