Dual....:-)
we have pet lesbian snakes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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