id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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