I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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